Foster Bonicelli, 6/12/2009
 
At What Age Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

Well, technically , children have no legal 'right to choose' at all, since they are minors which makes them "legal incompetents". That means they're not recognized by the family courts (or any courts for that matter) as being able make legally binding decisions, including decisions regarding their custody.

But in any event, it varies a lot from one State to another, and even from one jurisdiction to another.  In most states, the judge will at least take into consideration the expressed wishes of a child starting at about twelve or thirteen., and is given a great deal of leeway in determining how much weight to place on it.  Inmost cases, the judge will consider the circumstances of the case as much as -or even more than - the child's physical age.  But the older child's preference will typically have a greater influence than a younger child.

In some states, the family courts system will allow a child to sign an Affidavit which indicates which parent with whom they would prefer to live.  But other states consider reject this outright since they claim that it is putting undue pressure on the child to make a choice between parents.

If a child does indeed seem to have a strong preference, the judges will typically seek to understand the underlying causes of that preference in each individual child custody case.  For instance, they may want to know:

• What is the reason or reasons the child wants to change residences?
• Is it a significant factor or issue in the child's life?
• How stable, capable and reliable is the parent parent the child wants to live with?
• What is the level of the child's social maturity and emotional and intellectual development?
• How does each parent support the child's decision? Is the move being made against the wishes of either of the parents?  Or does it appear that the child has been pressured, bribed, or in some other way manipulated into requesting the arrangement? 
• Can the child clearly articulate his or her reasons for desiring to move?  

In some cases the judge may request some time to speak directly with the child in private, where they can speak freely. Altho, many feel that even this type of meeting should be avoided if at all possible. No child wants to be placed in the position of being asked to choose one parent over the other. Only when the child has a genuine desire to speak with the judge should this option be considered.