Temporary Custody Orders

If you are just now considering a separation, chances are you have already given some thought to what the family courts call "Temporary Orders".  You will of course save some money and angst if you can, between you, settle on an arrangement that works for both the parents as well as the children, without having to depend on the judge to do it for you. By agreeing to be agreeable, you are also establishing the general tone with which the remainder of your custody battle will be fought.

This time can bring a lot of stress for the children, due to the uncertainty of their future. As the parent, you can help to alleviate some of this by deciding on an arrangement which will reassure them that they are indeed loved by both parents, and will get to see them both as often as possible. Here are a few guidelines to follow to while drawing up your temporary child custody plans. 

First of all, you'll need to determine if the children will stay in their current home or move with one of the parents. This depends somewhat on whether or not the separation is intended to be permanent, if it is known.  If you have already decided to file for divorce, then this is the time to start preparing the children for the permanent orders.

As a rule of thumb, it is generally considered in the best interest of the children to stay in their own home and own rooms keep their lives as close to normal as possible. Unless a child is especially attached to the one who is leaving and would be more likely to thrive if living with that parent. If you are just taking a trial separation, in order to try to work through some issues, then it is best to keep children's lives as stable as possible until they know if any big changes are coming. If the parents are waiting for a divorce, they should use the temporary custody time to help the children adjust to the new circumstances. So, if there is going to be a move at the end of the divorce, let the children stay at the house and prepare them to leave.

If the judge has to get involved and dictate the terms of the Temporary Orders, they will most likely mirror the default shared custody agreement as stated in your state's family code (available online).  It will include, but is not limited to, the schedule, time and location of transfers, rights and responsibilities (decisions and associated costs) of each parent as it pertains to medical and educational issues.

If designed and implemented with a genuine concern for the well-being of the child, this time of temporary custody can facilitate a smoother transition into the permanent custody schedule by bringing about the changes gradually, with as little disruption and confusion as possible.